What Not to Wear - To Church

WARNING: This will be a blog that not many of you will find interesting. You've been warned.

I love "What Not to Wear" on TLC. It makes me want to buy a bunch of terrible outfits from Goodwill and have my friends/family 'videotape' me so that I can be a lucky 'winner' on the show. Who doesn't want $5000 for a whole new wardrobe?

This isn't to say that I always agree with Clinton & Stacey on all of their sage fashion advice. Sometimes the clothes they say are fabulous are just plain wacky, but I'll let that slide. It is New York after all, and wack is kind of the way to go.

But mostly, they're totally right. Here's what they're right about:

1. Dress the body you have - not the body you wish you had.
Meaning? If you've gained weight, don't keep wearing the clothes from your 'skinnier' days. They only make you look fatter - and that is NOT the goal. Also, if you've lost weight, don't keep wearing your 'heavier' clothing set. Why not rejoice in your new body? The point here is to be honest about your body - there are great, classy, beautiful clothes for every size and shape and you deserve to look your best. Don't punish yourself with an ill-fitting wardrobe.

2. Look at a Calendar. Some clothes have definite shelf-lives.
What's the year? 2008? This means you may no longer wear: Michael Jackson-esque red leather jackets, crazy flared bell-bottoms, wide lapel anything, one color suits (too much blue = blueberry), or ratty flannel shirts. If you can enter your closet and simultaneously experience time travel to any decade other than the one we're in, your closet is outdated. You don't have to by into all the crazy modern trends, but you need to have a wardrobe that reflects a sense of time and reality. The 80's aren't coming back (thought leggings seem to be...blech!) no matter how many times you watch Dynasty.

3. Be Appropriate. Fun Attire does not equal Work Attire.
Goodness me. I hate it when people are dressed inappropriately for their professions. I'm thinking about a VERY SPECIFIC EXAMPLE HERE that I won't divulge because that would be tacky. Do you work in a professional setting? This would include: doctors, counselors, accountants, managers, clergy (of any branch) CEO's, etc. If you do, here is a list of things you are NEVER EVER ALLOWED TO WEAR TO WORK: Faded jeans (more points deducted if they have holes in them or are tapered), t-shirts, flip-flops, birkenstocks, fish-net hosiery, fringed shawls or scarves, peasant skirts or shorts. NEVER EVER. What you would wear to a picnic or the amusement park should never make its way over into your 'Big Girl/Boy' pile. And, for the women, wear makeup. Please. Dry (COMPLETELY) and style your hair. For more information, please go to my new favorite website and read up. Your appearance says something important about you. Make sure you are appropriate, styled and ready for whatever may come, so that you can do your job without your co-workers or customers thinking 'Does this guy/gal have a hangover?'


Okay. I'm done preaching. I'll be the first to admit I don't always dress the best that I could. I'm working on it. But that's the key - work on it. You are beautiful, wonderful, intelligent people and you should be judged by the quality of your work and your personality, not the inappropriateness/datedness of your wardrobe. And believe me...you'll be judged.

Perk up. If you're ever feeling like a fashion 'don't', just watch What Not to Wear. There are always bigger 'dont's' out there than you!