New Things

I went to DragonCon this weekend.  To say it was incredible would be a massive understatement.  There were costumes,  panels,  shows,  vendors,  huge crowds,  endless parties, and the beautiful  repeating ritual of strangers becoming friends.  It was overwhelming in the best possible way, and I was so glad that I'd taken my therapist's advice to buy my ticket last November.  I needed the frenzy, the joy, the freedom, the chance to be wild and to abandon grief and shame and quietude.  I'm an extrovert by nature, but ministry can be so inward focused and requires so much control, caution and poise.  I was none of that over this weekend: I was running to discussions about Elves and painted green with a ring of leaves around my neck; I was laughing and shouting about Hari Seldon and Admiral Adama; I was responsible for no one except my own momentary desires.  And I remembered my body.  I remembered what it was like to be filled to the brim with life and need and fierce emotion.  Perhaps for most of the folks there, it was merely a chance to be with friends and have a bit too much to drink and to wear meticulously designed costumes.  But I like to imagine that there were others like me, who felt as if the weekend was transcendent in its whole, a tearing away of that which was gray and heavy in our lives.    We were alive; we were accepted; we were apart of something living and growing itself.

I'll be going again next year.

In the aftermath of last weekend, I'm now preparing to move down to the coast of Texas to begin my first Solo pastorate.  The church that had told me "no" in May came back to the table with a contrite heart and asked for another chance.  I worked so hard to separate their no (which was truly just rejection) from Cliff's sins (which was truly betrayal) and eventually let God's spirit lead me into a yes.  So here I stand on the precipice of another new thing, another totally unexpected and yet yearned for adventure.  Most likely, my church will have no costume parties or panels on DS9, but it will be laid open for new things to grow out of it.  Chances to serve the community; chances to preach the words that God fills my spirit with; chances to walk alongside all my sheep through the sacred moments of life, death and everything in between.  When church work is good, it is transcendent, a stripping away of the mundanity of existence and an intersection with the presence of the Holy.  When church work is good, it is living and growing and the members who participate in it feel alive and accepted.  I yearn for that.  To be focused and poised and controlled but also to be wild with the Holy Spirit, to laugh and shout about Scripture and Christ and the Holy moments of life I will live.  To remember my whole self, to be filled with life and need and fierce emotion.

I am so afraid.

Afraid of what I will fail at.  Of all the obstacles that will stop and transform me.  Of all that will go right.  About how wrapped up I will be in the lives of people who are now still strangers to me.  About the unknowable WHO I will become, the version of myself who still strides ahead of me in the ether of possibility.  Afraid because I am building a life for Gareth and myself, totally uprooted from the life that Cliff had any part in.

God speaks to the prophet Isaiah about the restoration of Israel and tells him: "Do not remember the former things, or consider the things of old. I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

The way lies open for me now, a path that I have been desperate to find for so long.  Rivers spring up alongside my journey and I am walking towards a new thing.   I open my hands to let go of all the former things, the things of old: the pain, the despair, the betrayal, the frustration, the trauma and loss and hopelessness.  I open my hands to receive something new, something from God: Life.

I am ready.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

It is certainly hard to believe that 2009 has already ended and 2010 barely begun!  It seems as if we’d just started this year when we realized we were celebrating its ending, but that seems to be the way of time, flying quickly past us.  We give thanks to God for his love and care in these past days and look forward to His great works in the future.

2009 was a year of exciting changes and adventures for the Grasham-Reeves family.  After over a year of retail drudgery at ATT, Cliff accepted a position with Child Protective Services in April as a Conservator for children in the foster system.  This job enabled him to spend more time with family and friends and to participate in local theatre programs.  Cliff was one of the lead actors in the Waco Civic Theatre’s production of “The Woman in Black” in late October, and has recently accepted a part in the spring production of “The Diary of Anne Frank.”  Cliff finally got his wish for a dog of his very own this past July and is the proud papa of Rika, a mutt of Catahoula and shepherd origins.

I had an exciting year, finally graduating from George W. Truett Theological Seminary with my Master of Divinity degree in May of 2009.  During graduation, I was awarded the Robert Jackson Robinson Preaching Award for the graduating class of Spring 2009, and preached during chapel on April 28th.  The day after graduating, following three years of participating in the ordination processes of the Southwest Region of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ), I was ordained to Christian ministry. Two weeks and one day later, on Pentecost Sunday, I was installed as the Associate Minister of Children, Youth and Families at Lakewood Christian Church (Disciples of Christ).  God is good!

May was a busy month, especially considering the fact that Cliff and I bought our first house!  By happy coincidence (or providence, depending on your inclination), we were able to purchase the house of our friends Scott and Beki Baker as they moved on to Nashville, TN.  We are discovering the joys (and tribulations) of home ownership, but are thrilled to finally be in a place we can truly call our own.  Later last summer, we were also able to trade in my old Ford Escort and purchased a new-to-us Chevy Trailblazer that some of our friends jokingly call the “Grasham-Reeves Baby-mobile”.  Ah, if they only knew…

Which of course brings me to our happiest news: Cliff and I are expecting our first child in late April of 2010!  We discovered the happy news in August of 2009, finally breaking the news to family and friends in early October.  To our joy and surprise, we discovered that my sister Arwen and her husband Paul as well as my cousin Daniel and his wife Sarina were also expecting their first children all around the same time as us!  In early December, Cliff and I discovered that we will be having a baby boy, and have decided to name him Gareth Alexandre (sic). 

2010 brings its own exciting challenges and adventures.  Cliff will start a new job at Harmony Science Academy in mid-January as a high school English teacher, and we are both preparing for the great blessing of parenthood.  We are excited for God’s movement in our lives and look forward to what the future may bring.

May God bless you and yours in 2010!

Clifton & Elizabeth Grasham-Reeves

Things you think about but never are really prepared for

Without preamble:

Cliff and I are pregnant.

Well...I'm pregnant and Cliff is the responsible party.

We'll know the baby's gender in mid-December and our preliminary due date is April 30th, 2010.

----

We've known since August 21st  when we took the pregnancy test.  I was four days late and I finally broke the news to Cliff.  He jaunted off to the store and bought me our tests and after a nervous 3 minute wait, we discovered the happy news.


The aforementioned pregnancy test.




Since then, we've had four appointments with my OB
1. The first made when I THOUGHT my 6 week mark was but ended up being early.  I saw the embryo but it was much too tiny to see anything else.

2. The second one Cliff came to and we saw the much larger fetus AND it's heartbeat.  And I found out that my blood type is O-.  Surprise!  Here's a picture of baby G-R.  The long lima-bean shaped portion is the baby, and the rounder bit is the yolk-sac.
 
 Hey world!


3. The third visit was not so joyous as I had been up the night before with irregular heart palpitations.  Scary.  I called the OB, they saw me that day and  I ended up getting an EKG at Hillcrest hospital and finding out that I have sinus arrhythmia of the heart.  Apparently, it is very common amongst young, healthy pregnant women. That's not very comforting!

4.  Our fourth visit Cliff also came and heard our baby's heartbeat for the first time. The heartbeat was 160BP.  What a stunning experience to actually HEAR our baby!

As of right now, we've told both sets of parents of their impending grandparent-hood and the grandparents of their soon-to-be great-grandness.  Oh, and I've also developed a sudden allergy to dairy products.  Bummer.  Now, since we're almost to 12 week mark, we felt safer letting you all know about our exciting news.

On a funny note, in the last several weeks we found out that my sister Arwen is due 1 WEEK after me (May 8th) and my Cousin Daniel's wife Sarina is due on the exact same day.  So my grandparents will go from 3 great grand-babies (all Tanya's) to 6 in ONE WEEK!

So there you go. In just a few short months, there will be a brand-new Grasham-Reeves (that isn't an animal)! We'll keep you updated.