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Showing posts with label Gareth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gareth. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
My Son's Toes
Here's a weird one for you - my son wants me to paint his fingers and toes with my nail polish. Whenever he sees a bottle out, he points to his toes and hands and asks "Gareth's toes? Mommy painting?" And I do it. I've painted several of his toes and a couple of his fingers. He even went to daycare this week with one of his toes on his left foot painted. He usually wants it right off, but I realized I'm really conflicted about it.
Would this happen if Cliff was here? Sometimes I worry about raising a boy without a constant male figure around - am I feminizing him? And then I feel ashamed of those questions because lots of very "masculine" men are raised by single moms or grandmas or lesbian couples and then I run down the rabbit warren of questions of gender identity and parenting and feel frustrated by the lack of answers and my own uncovered prejudices. Ex: Does a man really need to be "masculine" to be a man?
I guess I'm just going through my own version of the nature vs nurture conflict, but this time its in my own head as Gareth has polished toes and then makes his dinosaurs knock each other over. I'm not the first mom to deal with the issue of little boys and nail polish - see this article. And there is a growing conversation about transgender children and their medical treatment (see here, and here, and here) and how parents should respond. I have no reason to believe Gareth is transgender and likely he is just interested in having painted toes because I have painted toes. But, as I've learned in the past 2 years, life does not generally go the way you plan it to and people are almost always different than you expect them to be.
Much of my anxiety about Gareth and nail polish comes from the fact that I'm making all of the parenting decisions by myself. I talk to Cliff about what we do and sometimes I ask for his opinion, but since I'm the one in the trenches (so to speak), the buck stops with me. And there's just a lot to consider. I've read enough statistics about the children of incarcerated men to make me sick, I've seen the blather about how we "damage" kids through single parenthood (this article will make you see red) and any blogpost or facebook update that laments the "fatherless" children in the world pierces me right to the heart. So at times, I feel overwhelmed with the statistical likelihood that I will fail Gareth in some profound way - like I really need that.
I try not to let the borrowed guilt rest on my shoulders. I try to expunge poisonous internal monologues and I skip over discussions that I know will trigger my grief. And I paint my sons toe nails, hoping that mostly what we're doing is having a moment of shared discovery rather than a long-term gender choice to be criticized later. And then, of course, we go play with the trains for as long as possible before Gareth goes to sleep clutching his "Percy" and "Gordon" tightly.
Not every part of parenting is complicated.
Would this happen if Cliff was here? Sometimes I worry about raising a boy without a constant male figure around - am I feminizing him? And then I feel ashamed of those questions because lots of very "masculine" men are raised by single moms or grandmas or lesbian couples and then I run down the rabbit warren of questions of gender identity and parenting and feel frustrated by the lack of answers and my own uncovered prejudices. Ex: Does a man really need to be "masculine" to be a man?
I guess I'm just going through my own version of the nature vs nurture conflict, but this time its in my own head as Gareth has polished toes and then makes his dinosaurs knock each other over. I'm not the first mom to deal with the issue of little boys and nail polish - see this article. And there is a growing conversation about transgender children and their medical treatment (see here, and here, and here) and how parents should respond. I have no reason to believe Gareth is transgender and likely he is just interested in having painted toes because I have painted toes. But, as I've learned in the past 2 years, life does not generally go the way you plan it to and people are almost always different than you expect them to be.
Much of my anxiety about Gareth and nail polish comes from the fact that I'm making all of the parenting decisions by myself. I talk to Cliff about what we do and sometimes I ask for his opinion, but since I'm the one in the trenches (so to speak), the buck stops with me. And there's just a lot to consider. I've read enough statistics about the children of incarcerated men to make me sick, I've seen the blather about how we "damage" kids through single parenthood (this article will make you see red) and any blogpost or facebook update that laments the "fatherless" children in the world pierces me right to the heart. So at times, I feel overwhelmed with the statistical likelihood that I will fail Gareth in some profound way - like I really need that.
I try not to let the borrowed guilt rest on my shoulders. I try to expunge poisonous internal monologues and I skip over discussions that I know will trigger my grief. And I paint my sons toe nails, hoping that mostly what we're doing is having a moment of shared discovery rather than a long-term gender choice to be criticized later. And then, of course, we go play with the trains for as long as possible before Gareth goes to sleep clutching his "Percy" and "Gordon" tightly.
Not every part of parenting is complicated.
Monday, December 19, 2011
One Month Past
Today Gareth is 20 months old - so close to two but still so much a baby. I must admit, when anticipating Gareth's birth and listening to all of the well intentioned advice from friends and family, I fell for that line that every parent hears before their first child is born:
"My son/daughter/niece/cousin started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks!"
Well, let me tell you, my baby did NOT start sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. Or 16 weeks. Or 16 months. He is STILL not sleeping through the night, though intermittently he will clock in a solid 9 hours of sleep without waking. I'd gotten used to his sleepless nature because I had a partner to take shifts with. When I couldn't get Gareth to go down at night, I would pass him off to Cliff and take a breather on the couch. When Cliff had suffered with Gareth for over an hour in the middle of the night, I would slap in and do my best to calm the wild beast. But now...now Gareth and I are the only foes who meet at bedtime. Night, after night, after night.
Today marks a month since Cliff was sentenced and began his long stay in jail. A month of me discovering all the things I would have to do alone. Like cooking all the meals. ALL of them. And remembering to take the trash out every Friday. EVERY FRIDAY. And doing all the shopping, and the bill paying, and the yard work, and, and, and....
But somehow, getting Gareth to sleep is the most difficult task that I have to do alone. And not just because I'm emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. But also because he has started to ask for Cliff at night - "mommy did it, mommy did it, mommy did it..." Last night I finally figured out what he was saying. "Gareth, do you want daddy to come in here to put you to sleep?" ::nod:: "mommy did it."
He's right. "mommy" (Gareth's name for Cliff) was always the best at putting him to sleep at night. When I had done my best and Gareth was still struggling against sleep, Cliff could take him to bed and work some kind of daddy-magic and Gareth would go down within 20 minutes. When this Mommy couldn't do it, "mommy did it." But thats not an option anymore.
"I'm sorry Gareth, daddy isn't here."
"...NOOOOOO!"
Oh my boy, I know how you feel.
So we're one month out into this new life, this normal that I hate so much. We're one month in and still I just can't bear the thought that I have years of months left, seemingly countless Januarys, Februarys, Junes, Octobers and more. Years of Christmases and New Years and Valentines Days and our Wedding Anniversary, all without him, all alone, all having to explain...
"I'm sorry Gareth, daddy isn't here."
"I'm sorry, I guess you haven't heard."
"I'm sorry...."
He isn't here.
One month has past.
And he isn't here.
"My son/daughter/niece/cousin started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks!"
Well, let me tell you, my baby did NOT start sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. Or 16 weeks. Or 16 months. He is STILL not sleeping through the night, though intermittently he will clock in a solid 9 hours of sleep without waking. I'd gotten used to his sleepless nature because I had a partner to take shifts with. When I couldn't get Gareth to go down at night, I would pass him off to Cliff and take a breather on the couch. When Cliff had suffered with Gareth for over an hour in the middle of the night, I would slap in and do my best to calm the wild beast. But now...now Gareth and I are the only foes who meet at bedtime. Night, after night, after night.
Today marks a month since Cliff was sentenced and began his long stay in jail. A month of me discovering all the things I would have to do alone. Like cooking all the meals. ALL of them. And remembering to take the trash out every Friday. EVERY FRIDAY. And doing all the shopping, and the bill paying, and the yard work, and, and, and....
But somehow, getting Gareth to sleep is the most difficult task that I have to do alone. And not just because I'm emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. But also because he has started to ask for Cliff at night - "mommy did it, mommy did it, mommy did it..." Last night I finally figured out what he was saying. "Gareth, do you want daddy to come in here to put you to sleep?" ::nod:: "mommy did it."
He's right. "mommy" (Gareth's name for Cliff) was always the best at putting him to sleep at night. When I had done my best and Gareth was still struggling against sleep, Cliff could take him to bed and work some kind of daddy-magic and Gareth would go down within 20 minutes. When this Mommy couldn't do it, "mommy did it." But thats not an option anymore.
"I'm sorry Gareth, daddy isn't here."
"...NOOOOOO!"
Oh my boy, I know how you feel.
So we're one month out into this new life, this normal that I hate so much. We're one month in and still I just can't bear the thought that I have years of months left, seemingly countless Januarys, Februarys, Junes, Octobers and more. Years of Christmases and New Years and Valentines Days and our Wedding Anniversary, all without him, all alone, all having to explain...
"I'm sorry Gareth, daddy isn't here."
"I'm sorry, I guess you haven't heard."
"I'm sorry...."
He isn't here.
One month has past.
And he isn't here.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
A Birthday Party
Though Gareth actually turned 1 on April 19th, we celebrated his birthday on Saturday, April 16th to make sure all of our families could be there. I think its a bit silly to have themed birthday parties for 1 year olds, as they will have no recollection of the event, but when asked what the theme would be, I always replied: Crawfish.
That's right, Gareth's birthday party was a crawfish boil. That's what you get when you marry into a cajun family.
So without further ado, a collection of pictures from the birthday party. Thanks Jenny Dougherty for taking such awesome pictures.
That's right, Gareth's birthday party was a crawfish boil. That's what you get when you marry into a cajun family.
So without further ado, a collection of pictures from the birthday party. Thanks Jenny Dougherty for taking such awesome pictures.
Yes, Gareth is holding a live crawfish. He was totally unfazed by them.
Gareth & Grandpa
Gareth loves his cousin Aubrey
And his cousin Granger
Nan and Gareth share a dance
The whole gang!
Mom, Dad & The Boss
Eating cupcakes is serious business
But Gareth likes to share
Grandma comes to the rescue!
Hooray for birthday presents!
Thanks to all of the great presents that Gareth received. We are blessed by the love of our family and friends!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Choices
Gareth is 1 year and 1 week old today. He eats anything, he enjoys juice from his sippy cups, and we are still nursing. And have no plans to artificially wean anytime soon.
I'm getting a lot of questions lately about how long I'll nurse, and I understand. It's certainly an abberation (at least in the Western world) to see a baby nursed past 6 months, let alone past a year. But as people ask me when I'll stop, I can't help but want to ask them instead: Why would I?
Gareth and I are happy nursing partners. My love language is primarily touch, so the rewards of breastfeeding are huge for me. He is an efficient and focused eater, so I never had to endure 45 minute nursing sessions. And he is in no nutritional danger as breastfeeding is no longer his primary nutritive source. So again, why should I wearn him now?
Because it is time? Says who?
Because he needs other food? He gets it!
Because I'm spoiling him? How?! By showing him love and tenderness?
Gareth has already weaned himself off of several of our usual nursing times. I nurse in the morning when he wakes up, I nurse again at 2:30 before his nap, and then I nurse him to sleep at night between 7:30-8:00. I also still nurse at night because he isn't a very good sleeper, but that's usually only once. And already he's showing signs of weaning himself from our afternoon session. And although that's a little sad for me, it's also extraordinary to allow him the freedom to decide, to be flexible when he "relapses" when he's sick and needs to nurse all day, to feel no pressure to move on from our partnership till he's ready.
I know that my work situation is remarkable, that I have the luxury of nursing longer because I don't have to pump (what with his daycare being down the hall from my office), that I've lucked out by avoiding all of the breastfeeding crises (infections, cracking, thrush), that I have a family of women who all nursed their babies for advice. But that just makes me more determined to keep a hold of this blessing for as long as Gareth wants.
So my choice is not to wean. My choice is to continue Gareth and mine's partnership for as long as he wants. My choice, not anyone elses.
I'm getting a lot of questions lately about how long I'll nurse, and I understand. It's certainly an abberation (at least in the Western world) to see a baby nursed past 6 months, let alone past a year. But as people ask me when I'll stop, I can't help but want to ask them instead: Why would I?
Gareth and I are happy nursing partners. My love language is primarily touch, so the rewards of breastfeeding are huge for me. He is an efficient and focused eater, so I never had to endure 45 minute nursing sessions. And he is in no nutritional danger as breastfeeding is no longer his primary nutritive source. So again, why should I wearn him now?
Because it is time? Says who?
Because he needs other food? He gets it!
Because I'm spoiling him? How?! By showing him love and tenderness?
Gareth has already weaned himself off of several of our usual nursing times. I nurse in the morning when he wakes up, I nurse again at 2:30 before his nap, and then I nurse him to sleep at night between 7:30-8:00. I also still nurse at night because he isn't a very good sleeper, but that's usually only once. And already he's showing signs of weaning himself from our afternoon session. And although that's a little sad for me, it's also extraordinary to allow him the freedom to decide, to be flexible when he "relapses" when he's sick and needs to nurse all day, to feel no pressure to move on from our partnership till he's ready.
I know that my work situation is remarkable, that I have the luxury of nursing longer because I don't have to pump (what with his daycare being down the hall from my office), that I've lucked out by avoiding all of the breastfeeding crises (infections, cracking, thrush), that I have a family of women who all nursed their babies for advice. But that just makes me more determined to keep a hold of this blessing for as long as Gareth wants.
So my choice is not to wean. My choice is to continue Gareth and mine's partnership for as long as he wants. My choice, not anyone elses.
Monday, January 31, 2011
9 months
Here are his 9 month old stats:
95% on head size
45% on weight (19lbs 14oz)
50% on height (28 1/4 inches)
6 teeth
Crawling
Pulling up on everything
Loving his "ball-popper" toy
Generally making us laugh everyday
You're a blessing to us boy-o. We thank God for you everyday.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Something to make you smile
Blessed...
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Laughter is the best....well it's just the best
I made Gareth laugh today - which isn't an easy task. He's quick to smile but more reticent to laugh. Fortunately, Cliff got it recorded! Enjoy:
Sunday, September 19, 2010
5 months
Size 3 diapers
17lbs, 2oz
Slightly balding
Chews on everything
Laughs at funny voices
Pees in the bath
Wont sleep more than 4 hours at a time at night
Perfect.
We love you boy-o
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
The 2 Month Report
Gareth is now 2 months old. He had his 2 month appointment at the pediatrician's office and we got all of his most current stats. As of today he is:
13lbs exactly (80 percentile)
24in long (80 percentile)
And has a 16.5in diameter head (80 percentile)
Dr. Kemper said that he has big hands and feet and that he might be a big boy one day. That would be very surprising!
Then, of course, Gareth had to get his 2 month old vaccinations. Which turned out to be 5 SHOTS. 5! Thankfully, Cliff was with me and he dealt with all the needle business. And true to form, Gareth cried for maybe 1 second after each shot and then smiled like nothing had happened to him. I still cried, of course.
Here is our precious baby boy:
We're so thankful to have a healthy and happy baby boy. 2 months down, a million wonderful days to go!
13lbs exactly (80 percentile)
24in long (80 percentile)
And has a 16.5in diameter head (80 percentile)
Dr. Kemper said that he has big hands and feet and that he might be a big boy one day. That would be very surprising!
Then, of course, Gareth had to get his 2 month old vaccinations. Which turned out to be 5 SHOTS. 5! Thankfully, Cliff was with me and he dealt with all the needle business. And true to form, Gareth cried for maybe 1 second after each shot and then smiled like nothing had happened to him. I still cried, of course.
Here is our precious baby boy:
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
For your enjoyment...
Since Gareth was born, we've heard lots of people's opinions on who he looks like. The majority of folks tell us that he looks like Cliff, but Cliff and I have remained skeptical. He just looks like a baby to us. Well..until yesterday that is. We're at Cliff's parent's house for Memorial Day and I asked to see some of his baby pictures, and after sifting through dozens, I (Elizabeth) have to admit that Gareth is pretty much the spitting image of his dad. Don't believe me? Check Cliff out:
It looks like I lost this time in the genetic lottery. Ah well...
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Believe it or not: Gareth is already one month old!
Wow.
It's been one month since our son was born.
One month filled with joy, surprise, heartbreak, despair, love and fear.
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Thank you once again for all your prayers, love and friendships. You've made this month easier for all three of us. We're looking forward to our future with anticipation and hope - sure that God is with us!
We love you Gareth Alexandre.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Another Update: Good News
We're being released from the hospital today (May 8th)! PRAISE GOD!
Gareth approves this message.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Waiting, Wishing, Wanting...
Since my last update:
On April 28th, Gareth had his "dye-test" to see if he had any leaks in his esophagus. Unfortunately, he did. So the surgeon ordered another test for this Wednesday, May 5th. So Gareth is still recieving all of his feeds through his NG tube, he still has the chest tube in, and still has a "Central Line" IV Port in his chest. Otherwise, he is perfectly healthy. Oh...and we're getting to hold him now. Thank GOD. It was hard enough having to be hospitalized, but not being able to hold him for a week? That was hellish.
Everyday a gaggle of nurses, doctors and surgeons go room by room in the NICU discussing each of the patients. This is called "rounds." At first, Cliff and I would always participate, asking pertinent questions and listening to Gareth's stats. But now...well now we already know what will be said. It goes something like this...
Seriously, it's the same everyday. He wouldn't even be in the NICU if he didn't have this chest tube in. We're all just waiting for the results of his next test. Oh...well...there is something else. Gareth has acid reflux. Poor guy. But he's on Prevacid, and that makes a world of difference for him.
Right now, I'm (Elizabeth) up at the hospital by myself. Cliff had to go back to work today so he drove back to Waco last night (May 2nd). It's lonley, but hopefully it won't be for very long.
If you're the praying type, here's how you could pray for us:
1) Pray that Gareth's leak is totally and completly healed. This is the last hurdle we have to jump before we can head back to Waco.
2) Pray that Gareth's acid reflux would not adversly affect the leak in his esophagus, and that it would subside. He gets pretty uncomfortable, even with the prevacid.
3) Pray that Cliff and I remain patient and strong despite our separation and frustration with not being home with our son
Hopefully I can update on Wednesday with better news. Thanks to all of you for continuing to lift up our family.
On April 28th, Gareth had his "dye-test" to see if he had any leaks in his esophagus. Unfortunately, he did. So the surgeon ordered another test for this Wednesday, May 5th. So Gareth is still recieving all of his feeds through his NG tube, he still has the chest tube in, and still has a "Central Line" IV Port in his chest. Otherwise, he is perfectly healthy. Oh...and we're getting to hold him now. Thank GOD. It was hard enough having to be hospitalized, but not being able to hold him for a week? That was hellish.
Everyday a gaggle of nurses, doctors and surgeons go room by room in the NICU discussing each of the patients. This is called "rounds." At first, Cliff and I would always participate, asking pertinent questions and listening to Gareth's stats. But now...well now we already know what will be said. It goes something like this...
"Gareth...these are his stats (blah blah numbers blah blah numbers), he's gained weight, he is recieving full feeds, and we're waiting for the esophagram on Wednesday."
Seriously, it's the same everyday. He wouldn't even be in the NICU if he didn't have this chest tube in. We're all just waiting for the results of his next test. Oh...well...there is something else. Gareth has acid reflux. Poor guy. But he's on Prevacid, and that makes a world of difference for him.
Right now, I'm (Elizabeth) up at the hospital by myself. Cliff had to go back to work today so he drove back to Waco last night (May 2nd). It's lonley, but hopefully it won't be for very long.
If you're the praying type, here's how you could pray for us:
1) Pray that Gareth's leak is totally and completly healed. This is the last hurdle we have to jump before we can head back to Waco.
2) Pray that Gareth's acid reflux would not adversly affect the leak in his esophagus, and that it would subside. He gets pretty uncomfortable, even with the prevacid.
3) Pray that Cliff and I remain patient and strong despite our separation and frustration with not being home with our son
Hopefully I can update on Wednesday with better news. Thanks to all of you for continuing to lift up our family.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
How Things Stand
Much has happened since my last blog post about Gareth, so I'll try to be thorough and concise.
--
Gareth went in for surgery on Thursday morning around 9:15. The purpose of the surgery was two-fold: to sever the connection between the esophagus and trachea and to attach the two disconnected portions of Gareth's esophagus. Cliff drew some pictures of this on his i-pod touch to illustrate for our family. They are below - the first one is how Gareth's esophagus was originally, and the second is how it normally looks (and looks now after surgery). Notice the top portion of the esophagus ended in a pouch and the bottom portion connected to the trachea.
Here was the difficulty - there was no way for the surgeons to know if Gareth had enough esophageal tissue to connect the separated portions until they were already in surgery. Thus, if there wasn't enough, they would only sever the connection between the esophagus and trachea and then do a procedure to begin the stretching of the esophagus. This would prolong our stay in the NICU, as Gareth would still be unable to eat and would have to wait for another surgery to connect the two ends - probably a month later. So, you can see how stressed we were when Gareth went into surgery; we wouldn't know what our future held until the surgeon came out afterwards.
At about 1:15pm, the surgeon called us into a conference room and gave us the wonderful news that they'd been able to connect the esophageal ends with no difficulty. He said, in fact, that our son has a great anatomy. That wasn't a joking phrase either - we'd only recently discovered that Gareth's condition is part of a syndrome that usually includes heart problems, renal problems, spinal malformations, missing bones or hand digits and even rectal problems. Fortunately, Gareth had none of these associated problems - we've heard our doctors on rounds say things like "oh, Gareth...he'll be fine. He only had one problem!"
So what happens next?
Well...blessedly...we just wait. Gareth's esophagus has to heal before we can do any oral feedings (whether by bottle or breast), so the surgical team will do a "dye test" on this coming Thursday to see if there are any "leaks" at the surgical site. If that goes well (and by well I mean, no leaks), then we can do oral feedings, his chest tube will come out and probably his central line. At that point, the goal will be to successfully feed, burp and soil diapers and then we'll be able to go home. That could be next weekend or it could be a couple of days afterwards, it's really up to the doctors. When we know more, we'll let you know.
Now we're just sitting around watching him improve. He is no longer receiving any antibiotics or pain medication, he has increasing amounts of breast-milk fed through his NG tube (a tube that goes directly to his stomach), his hep-lock ports in his hand and foot have been removed, his catheter is out as is his ventilator, he has stopped receiving photo-therapy for jaundice, and he can be touched and handled without gloves or protective gear. We still can't hold him (b/c of the chest tube), but that day is coming.
This last week has been at times glorious and horrific, terrifying and exhilarating. But through it all, we are thankful to you for all your kind words and prayers. It has been moving to stand by our son's bedside and know that the community of saints and the spirit of God is surrounding us.
--
Gareth went in for surgery on Thursday morning around 9:15. The purpose of the surgery was two-fold: to sever the connection between the esophagus and trachea and to attach the two disconnected portions of Gareth's esophagus. Cliff drew some pictures of this on his i-pod touch to illustrate for our family. They are below - the first one is how Gareth's esophagus was originally, and the second is how it normally looks (and looks now after surgery). Notice the top portion of the esophagus ended in a pouch and the bottom portion connected to the trachea.
Here was the difficulty - there was no way for the surgeons to know if Gareth had enough esophageal tissue to connect the separated portions until they were already in surgery. Thus, if there wasn't enough, they would only sever the connection between the esophagus and trachea and then do a procedure to begin the stretching of the esophagus. This would prolong our stay in the NICU, as Gareth would still be unable to eat and would have to wait for another surgery to connect the two ends - probably a month later. So, you can see how stressed we were when Gareth went into surgery; we wouldn't know what our future held until the surgeon came out afterwards.
At about 1:15pm, the surgeon called us into a conference room and gave us the wonderful news that they'd been able to connect the esophageal ends with no difficulty. He said, in fact, that our son has a great anatomy. That wasn't a joking phrase either - we'd only recently discovered that Gareth's condition is part of a syndrome that usually includes heart problems, renal problems, spinal malformations, missing bones or hand digits and even rectal problems. Fortunately, Gareth had none of these associated problems - we've heard our doctors on rounds say things like "oh, Gareth...he'll be fine. He only had one problem!"
So what happens next?
Well...blessedly...we just wait. Gareth's esophagus has to heal before we can do any oral feedings (whether by bottle or breast), so the surgical team will do a "dye test" on this coming Thursday to see if there are any "leaks" at the surgical site. If that goes well (and by well I mean, no leaks), then we can do oral feedings, his chest tube will come out and probably his central line. At that point, the goal will be to successfully feed, burp and soil diapers and then we'll be able to go home. That could be next weekend or it could be a couple of days afterwards, it's really up to the doctors. When we know more, we'll let you know.
Now we're just sitting around watching him improve. He is no longer receiving any antibiotics or pain medication, he has increasing amounts of breast-milk fed through his NG tube (a tube that goes directly to his stomach), his hep-lock ports in his hand and foot have been removed, his catheter is out as is his ventilator, he has stopped receiving photo-therapy for jaundice, and he can be touched and handled without gloves or protective gear. We still can't hold him (b/c of the chest tube), but that day is coming.
This last week has been at times glorious and horrific, terrifying and exhilarating. But through it all, we are thankful to you for all your kind words and prayers. It has been moving to stand by our son's bedside and know that the community of saints and the spirit of God is surrounding us.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Update: Gareth
Our son was born on April 19th at 12:22pm at Hillcrest in Waco, TX.
By the next evening, he took his first flight on the Medical Transport jet to Children's Hospital in Dallas, TX.
Yesterday he was prodded, poked, and prepped for surgery.
Today at 8:30am he will go into surgery to repair a Tracheal Fistula and an Esophageal Atresia.
This is not what I imagined when I dreamed about having my first child.
---
Here's how you can pray for us:
1) Please pray that the surgeons experience complete success tomorrow morning. This would mean that they repair the fistula and discover enough esophageal tissue to connect the esophagus and Gareth's stomach. If they do, his time in the NICU will be much reduced. If they do not, he will spend a much longer time in the NICU.
2) Please pray that Cliff and I would be continually reminded of God's love and comfort during this crappy time
3) Please pray that Gareth would heal quickly, that his pain levels would be minimal, that he would come off of the intubation in record time, that he will be able to go home sooner rather than later.
---
I won't be posting pictures of him in the hospital. I just can't bear to commemorate this moment in any way. I do not want to remember my baby with tubes and wires running off of him. I do not want to share the painful presence of oxygen machines and antibiotic IV's. I wish that I was changing his diapers and worrying over his circumcision scar and taking care of his belly button instead of watching professionals do so for me. It is my prayer that you will never, ever have to know what this scene looks like.
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